who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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