a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
