They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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