Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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