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The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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