his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
