It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
