omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
