I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
