Whod you bang
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
