i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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