I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
