So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
