worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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