That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
