you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
