i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
