one word: firstdatebathroomanal
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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