some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
