I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize