hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize