my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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