Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
