Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
