i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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