In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
