Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
