yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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