I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize