I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
