these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
