Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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