even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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