We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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