smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
