We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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