Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's the barista slut.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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