it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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