Ambien. No doubt about it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
