this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
that's an acceptable place to lick
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
