The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
false alarm, still single
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
