i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
