I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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