I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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