it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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