1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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