I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
