His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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