I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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