what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
