She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're like the curious george of whores
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
