I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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