The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
