allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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