goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
