Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
