There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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