Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
