it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
