just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
