I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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