we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
