I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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