she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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