some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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