After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
