ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
