dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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