if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
