I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
