I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
