peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
