Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
