Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
worst night to have a conscience
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
