I think I just saw someone hide a body.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize