# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
