why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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