I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
