Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
