Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
