WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
