part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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