Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
