this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just cropdusted the office
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
