8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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