I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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