I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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