Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Where is the hickey?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
