He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
