Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
