I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
