You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
