Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
