i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
