That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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