Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
