Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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