I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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